SIMPLY DRESSED 

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!.” 2 Cor 5:17 (NIV)

I needed to get things together for a garage sale my Bible study group is having. I thought I would go through my closet and dresser drawers and get rid of clothes I don't wear anymore. As I was pulling out my clothes I thought about all my prayers for healing and for my strength to return from my falls. My injuries caused the progression of my CMT, Charcot-Marie-Tooth.  I truly believed I was going to get stronger.  I held onto my clothes like a caterpillar wrapped in a cocoon.

I finally came to the acceptance that this is as good as its going to get. I needed to re-evaluate my wardrobe. As my CMT progressed I have lost some of my upper body strength and my hands have weakened. Buttons, zippers and tight fitting clothing had to go. Dressing is now limited to simplicity not style. My attire consists of  loose fitting clothes, elastic and Velcro. I exchanged my stylish fashion to one of comfort and ease.

A few days prior a friend gave me some of her clothes that didn't fit her anymore.  In cleaning out my dresser drawers I was able to replace my old attire with the new ones given to me.  I filled up a large suitcase and got rid of most of my old clothing.
I thought about my relationship with Christ.  As I mature in my faith I need to let go of many things.   In order for me to take on the new clothes of righteousness I must first get rid of the old attire of self control.  As a new creation I can no longer wear jealousy, anger, bitterness or self -centeredness.  I want to clothe myself with kindness, humility, patience, gentleness, peace and love. (Colosians 3-12-15)  Just thinking about these characteristics  brings my spirit comfort and ease.

As my friends dragged out the heavy luggage of clothes, it was like dragging out the garbage weighing me down.  My spirit was lifted. It felt good to get rid of all that I was holding onto for so long. I was embraced in peace.

I may not be fashion savvy and you won't see me on the cover of any beauty magazines. But, my name is written in the Lamb's book of life and it's even engraved in the Master's hand. What more could I ask for? Hallelujah,                                                                                  the old is gone and the new is here to stay!

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 PRECIOUS LOVE

Deuteronomy 4:9 “Don't forget to pass them on to your children and grandchildren”

“Grandma can we play?” Such precious words to my ears. The joys of being a grandmother and having a child desire your attention. “Grandma can you push me on the swing?”  How do I explain to a young child that I am unable to?

When my granddaughter came into my life three years ago she was two years old. It was during this time that my CMT progressed due to many falls and fractures. My mobility is extremely limited where I am in need of using a rollator walker around the home and either a wheelchair or scooter for long distance walking.

It just broke my heart that I couldn't take my grand daughter to the beach and run and chase after her. I couldn't even take a walk with her and feed the ducks. And when I took her to the playground I would have to sit on a bench and she would want me to help her on the swings. I couldn't even push my walker to where she was as there was an island of sand right in the midst of the playground.

Oh Lord, I have the joy of being a grandmother and I don't have the physical ability to show her a fun time. I used to watch other grandparents play with their grandchildren, or hear them share of their fun adventures. My heart was heavy. My son would want me to spend more time with her, as did I. However, what could I do?

The next time she came to my home she wanted to play cars. So I sat on a chair and helped her arrange a race track. My back was hurting from bending over but it was something I could do and she had a blast. Loved hearing the giggles and “Lets do it again”.

As time went on we explored different adventures. She has such an imagination and loves me to tell stories. We sit on my bed and pretend its a boat and the floor is the ocean with all sorts of creatures swimming in it. She also has a creative soul and loves coloring and making projects. I got in trouble for this one as one morning while her parents were still sleeping, she cut out pictures from their papers and glued them onto another paper.

Last weekend was her first sleepover. I thought how am I going to entertain her the whole weekend? It was exhausting but fun. We had a Barbie doll wedding and all her dolls got dressed up. The extra bonus was that Barbie doll clothes now have Velcro. With my weak hands it was easy for me to help change their clothes.

The most memorable experience for me was the time we were in my car coming back from a visit and I started singing songs about Jesus and how much I love Him and He loves me. When I stopped singing my precious love said, “Don't stop, sing it again”. The next time I came over to my grand daughters house she was in her bedroom singing the same song. I realized what was really important wasn't what I could do physically, but spending quality time with her. Showing her how much I love her and how special she is to me and to God.

 One day she was getting into something she shouldn't of and when I came in to see what she was doing I asked her about it. At first she lied but when I told her she wasn't in trouble I just wanted to know, she confessed. I opened my arms to her and she ran right into them and I just loved on her like grandparents are meant to do. It gave me a visual of our Lord holding His arms out to me when I mess up and I am forgiven and loved immediately.

I take every opportunity sharing stories about Jesus and events in the Bible. Sometimes I put my granddaughter in the boat with Jesus when He falls asleep and a storm comes. Imaginations are wonderful. I can make up our own adventures and we can have as much fun and excitement as we want.

I am always amazed on how my grand daughter gets so excited coming over to grandma's. I don't take her places, I don't spend a lot of money on things for her and I'm not the most jovial person either. But I love her with all my heart and she has become my best buddy.

WHO ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

My sheep hear my  voice,and I know them, and they shall follow me.   John 14:27

 I just hate it when I'm talking to someone and they ignore me. Whenever I'm saying something and the person I'm speaking to is not paying attention I speak louder as if they didn't hear me. My ego tells me my words are important and they need to hear what I'm saying. I get annoyed and frustrated and will not take being ignored lightly. Sometimes I will go to great lengths to get my point across. It doesn't always produce good fruit.

So why do I become surprised when I'm trying to do right by God's ways and follow His voice that the enemy's voice becomes louder and annoying? Trying to stay positive and forgive and love as Christ calls us to and those negative reminders of the flesh shouts accusatory daggers. The enemy could be voices in your head, people in your path or the real enemy, Satan.

Just the other day I tried to enjoy a beautiful day. The voices in my head were reminding me of negative comments made in the past. Feelings of anger and injustice were surfacing and controlling my emotions. “Wait a minute”, I thought, I was reminded of Galatians 5:22-23,” But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control”. Hmmm doesn't say anger, bitterness or self pity. No those spirits produce rotten fruit. I recognized immediately which spirit was taking control over my life.

So I spent time in prayer. Praying and forgiving those who hurt me and asking God to bless their day. To overlook the faults of others as well as my own. God never said it would be easy to follow Him, but He does provide a way out of those tempting negative thoughts. In fact when I do it God's way, verses Ellen's way, oh the peace and joy that surfaces is glorious. “Father, please forgive those who have wronged me and forgive me for those whom I have wronged. Help me to be a shining light in a darkened world. Let me produce the type of fruit that is pleasing to you. Help me to overlook the sting of words and to put up the “Shield” so the enemy's taunts will not harm me. Thank you for loving me so much that when I stray You send comfort and words through the Holy Spirit to bring me back on track.”  

Overcoming Loneliness

Have you ever been one of the kids who stood on the side lines during recess while everyone buddied up on the play ground? I have. There I stood wishing I didn't have CMT,  (Charcot Marie Tooth ), and I was normal. How I prayed a friend would come along side me and ask if I wanted to play. I cried to my teacher and she said , “I bet if you ask someone they will let you play”. So I took the risk and feared rejection. I asked some if they wanted to play and they either ignored me or said no. With my head bowed down and dejected, I walked away feeling like the biggest looser ever. Than I saw a playmate sitting by herself eating lunch. I approached her and asked if I could sit with her. She lifted her head up with the biggest smile and quickly we become the best of friends during the rest of the school year.

Fast forward into adulthood. Life has changed and I find myself at a lost for purpose. Loneliness overtakes me like a blood sucking leach. Looking for friends is as frustrating as shopping for shoes. Oh don't even get me started in trying to find the right shoe that I can wear with my AFO's, walk comfortably in and are some what stylish. I used to go to a variety of stores and look to no avail. Finally settling on a plain black sneaker that many of the waiters wore at the event I attended.

My CMT has progressed to the point where I need help getting in and out of the car. I can't walk long distances and use a walker around my house. In order for me to go places I need someone to help me. Those that are closest to me have a difficult time watching me struggle so they are unable to give me the support I need.. Life has  become way to busy with work and family that although others mean well it's just not in their agenda to visit as often as they would like.

So like shopping for shoes I've tried shopping for friends. I attend a few bible study groups and  enjoy the groups and love the people.  I do have one friend who blesses me with lunch and shopping once a month. But the other days in the month can get lonely. This is what I have found to be helpful in my quest to overcome loneliness. 

Just like the friend who was sitting by herself at lunchtime when I was younger I need to look for people who need a friend like me. Someone who's social calendar isn't penciled in with events.

I look for ways to  help. I hate that others see me as needy. The other day I visited with my niece who works two jobs. Her kids were off from school and I had my grand daughter with me. I sat outside with the children and watched them while my niece was able to get some much needed work done around the house. I loved watching the kids have fun and I even received lots of hugs.

Select what you want to see on Facebook. This one is my biggest challenge. It hurts to see pictures of others getting together for fun. I delete or hide the pictures and posts. I used to make comments on how  I would have loved to be included and it never went well. Its better to just hit delete.

I change what I can.  About a year ago I started a CMT FB page called, CMT Fellowship, with another CMTer, Mark. This keeps me busy praying for those in need and responding to some of the posts they share.

And like shopping for shoes, I'm not giving up until I find what I'm looking for. I want a friend who isn't crushed with family, work and a busy agenda. Someone who I can be comfortable with,  accepts me for who I am and one who can have fun being around me. I continue to seek out different support networks through church and other areas. I don't wait for others to give me an invite but I request their e-mail and phone number and try and stay in touch between groups. Starting out small and see who responds will help build a bridge. I am also looking to start a CMT support group  in my area.

If your struggling today with loneliness I pray some of the ideas that are working for me would work for you as well.  I think of the the verse in Proverbs 18:24 “A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother”. Oh one last thought, as much as I want to complain I must bring joy to the table not negativity.  Happy Shopping.