Overcoming Loneliness

Have you ever been one of the kids who stood on the side lines during recess while everyone buddied up on the play ground? I have. There I stood wishing I didn't have CMT,  (Charcot Marie Tooth ), and I was normal. How I prayed a friend would come along side me and ask if I wanted to play. I cried to my teacher and she said , “I bet if you ask someone they will let you play”. So I took the risk and feared rejection. I asked some if they wanted to play and they either ignored me or said no. With my head bowed down and dejected, I walked away feeling like the biggest looser ever. Than I saw a playmate sitting by herself eating lunch. I approached her and asked if I could sit with her. She lifted her head up with the biggest smile and quickly we become the best of friends during the rest of the school year.

Fast forward into adulthood. Life has changed and I find myself at a lost for purpose. Loneliness overtakes me like a blood sucking leach. Looking for friends is as frustrating as shopping for shoes. Oh don't even get me started in trying to find the right shoe that I can wear with my AFO's, walk comfortably in and are some what stylish. I used to go to a variety of stores and look to no avail. Finally settling on a plain black sneaker that many of the waiters wore at the event I attended.

My CMT has progressed to the point where I need help getting in and out of the car. I can't walk long distances and use a walker around my house. In order for me to go places I need someone to help me. Those that are closest to me have a difficult time watching me struggle so they are unable to give me the support I need.. Life has  become way to busy with work and family that although others mean well it's just not in their agenda to visit as often as they would like.

So like shopping for shoes I've tried shopping for friends. I attend a few bible study groups and  enjoy the groups and love the people.  I do have one friend who blesses me with lunch and shopping once a month. But the other days in the month can get lonely. This is what I have found to be helpful in my quest to overcome loneliness. 

Just like the friend who was sitting by herself at lunchtime when I was younger I need to look for people who need a friend like me. Someone who's social calendar isn't penciled in with events.

I look for ways to  help. I hate that others see me as needy. The other day I visited with my niece who works two jobs. Her kids were off from school and I had my grand daughter with me. I sat outside with the children and watched them while my niece was able to get some much needed work done around the house. I loved watching the kids have fun and I even received lots of hugs.

Select what you want to see on Facebook. This one is my biggest challenge. It hurts to see pictures of others getting together for fun. I delete or hide the pictures and posts. I used to make comments on how  I would have loved to be included and it never went well. Its better to just hit delete.

I change what I can.  About a year ago I started a CMT FB page called, CMT Fellowship, with another CMTer, Mark. This keeps me busy praying for those in need and responding to some of the posts they share.

And like shopping for shoes, I'm not giving up until I find what I'm looking for. I want a friend who isn't crushed with family, work and a busy agenda. Someone who I can be comfortable with,  accepts me for who I am and one who can have fun being around me. I continue to seek out different support networks through church and other areas. I don't wait for others to give me an invite but I request their e-mail and phone number and try and stay in touch between groups. Starting out small and see who responds will help build a bridge. I am also looking to start a CMT support group  in my area.

If your struggling today with loneliness I pray some of the ideas that are working for me would work for you as well.  I think of the the verse in Proverbs 18:24 “A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother”. Oh one last thought, as much as I want to complain I must bring joy to the table not negativity.  Happy Shopping.